I tend to be a fairly competitive person, Which is good in that it motivates me. In my band class, I’m second flute. Now since I just got moved up from intermediate band to advanced band, it kinda makes sense. This boy has been playing two full years longer than me and has been in advanced band a lot longer too, he’s also close to the band teacher, as he attended the school our band director taught before he came here. That’s what I tell myself, at least. But now, whenever I see the words “2nd flute” printed in that neat little script at the top of my music, it feels like failure. It feels as if even my music is telling me “second best” or “ha ha, you suck”. Even worse, we have to sit next to each other every single band class. Just imagine that, sitting next to your arch nemesis every day. My mom often reminds me “you know, you two are in the same boat; don’t you want the flute section to sound good?” as a recount all the minor mistakes and faults in his flute playing somewhat victoriously. And I answer “well, yea, but I want to be first chair of that good sounding flute section”. At the end of the day, however, does it really matter? This kid doesn’t want to go pro or anything, and probably doesn’t practice as much either. I’m headed beond this small-ish school anyway, and although band provides a nice social life, my main focus right now should be getting into programs over the summer, or making it into performing arts schools, not being first flute in a 19 person wind band.
Yea, its difficult. Especially when I am at home practicing for 3 plus hours a day while my classmates all go socialize, work out, or spend endless hours online. Or when I can’t think of any non-music thing to talk about. Like the time I walked into Italian after band class, turned to the person next to me, and started telling her all about the epic key change we’d played. It took me a few minuets to realize she had no clue what I was talking about. I’m on a different tier then them, not supirior or anything, just different. K fine, that was just a nice way of saying that I’m weird. But I really don’t belong in a school like this, full of ordinary and non-musical kids. So whenever I have to bottle up my weird girl self to seem normal, or when I just be that weird girl, I remember that this won’t last forever, and maybe my next school will be a preforming arts school, full of kids like me.
Wow, I have heard that many times. My family, friends, and boyfriend are always telling me, “well, it’s great that you love flute and all; it makes for a great hobby, but not really a job,” and then they go on to talk about how I could join community orchestras and stuff. And its true, music makes for a great hobby. Probably the best hobby out there, but the people who tell me that fail to understand the true amount of passion I have for flute. They don’t know how my idea of a good, satisfactory day includes 4 hours of practice. They’ve never had to tell themselves “only 3 more hours till I can play flute and all my problems will be solved. Their lip has never twitched with desire to play. I’ve sort of realized that flute can’t be beat; nothing makes me happier, and I’ve never been more motivated and serious about anything in my life. Playing flute seems meaningful to me and I feel like it’s my calling. So say I became an investment banker; lots of money and society’s idea of success. Well, then I’d spend every hour of work wishing I was home with the flute, I wouldn’t be able to talk about anything but music, and I’d spend most of my time unhappy. This is how school is for me in general. So I want to dive into the world of flute playing and musicians, playing as a hobby is not enough for me. I want to study flute for collage, I want all my friends to be musicians, and my whole life to be comprised of music. Music means more to me than just some hobby on the side.
Sure, mabey I’m just some dreamer who can’t spell and has been playing flute for only two years. But there’s nothing else I feel happier doing. So I’ve given up on spelling; you can probably tell. Guess all the errors will have to add to the mood or tone of the passage? idk. Anyhow, I’ve started applying to stuff; The Duke Ellington School For The Arts, Interloghen and Cataqua summer music program. All to advanced, ambitious, and teacher’s-jaw-drop-when-she-sees-audition-material-I-have-to-play ish for me, but if I apply every year for lots of things, I’ll get into some right? and build up a resume here. I do actually have a plan for my ultimate dream of becoming a… well, broke musician. For now, though, it’s time to get serious. A new practice plan of 3 hours per school day and five on weekends (K, usually I only stick in for about 4 of those 5 weekend hours) but either way, this is my dream, and it gets my all. Anyway, I need all the help I can get. Anyone in my boat who has some advice? Or perhaps a conservatory grad? Please feel free to comment on any of my posts. If you actualy read the blog of some 14 year-old geeky girl that is!
Thanks for joining me!
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton